U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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