I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
