I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Green mimosas i think yes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
