woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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