You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
