watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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