you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
