That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
