frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
