erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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