Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
