He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
