i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
