just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
