I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
