If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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