Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
