So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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