the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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