clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We need to get me chipped asap
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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