well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my vag is so smooth its legendary
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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