have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
