all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
