I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
