I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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