wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
