everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
