Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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