It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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