the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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