At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
