I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
