Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
