Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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