Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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