I think I won the penis lottery.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
