Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
