Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
