finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize