I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize