And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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