tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
