i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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