Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
