I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
