I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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