Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
