dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
