Your face is a jimmy john
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
