Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
