im about as happy as oj after his trial
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
