My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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