My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
