im drinking this country out of the recession.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I AM VODKA MAN
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
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