everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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