I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
