Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
