You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sext me about skeletons
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
