i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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