Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Less talking, more tequila
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
