that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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