Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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