come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
