I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
