Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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