making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
