Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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