Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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